she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
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