i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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