The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
