i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Randomize
