i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
