Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
