Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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