So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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