I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
