My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
