Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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