y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
