Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Randomize
