Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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