I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i was born a porn star she said
Just cropdusted the office
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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