Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize