I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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