what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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