Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
