Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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