How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
