you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
