New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
