Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
