I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
