he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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