i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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