i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
