AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
