sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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