Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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