dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
