I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
