new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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