Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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