i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
