I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
