is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
