thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
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