if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
