I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
