somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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