my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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