I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
