i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
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