is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
