just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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