i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
