Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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