Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
