I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize