Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize