You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
