I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
