i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Randomize
