3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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