So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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