She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
