I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
