Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize
