Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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